Wedding Wednesday - The Big Reveal...?

When we started these whole wedding planning shennanigans, Mike told me I "got" one bridezilla moment as a free pass. He himself told me he didn't think I'd need it, as I've been pretty laid back about the entire thing, but he'd "give" it to me nonetheless.

I may be having it right now.

Let me set the stage here...we got engaged a week before Christmas. I had already made plans with my MOH/"sister" to go look at her wedding dress and try on a bridesmaid dress for her wedding. Naturally, those plans evolved to include looking at wedding dresses for me. I had talked to The Guy, asked if he thought it was too early to look for dresses, and he asked me, "Will you honestly have your mom, sister and cousins, all together, in the same room with you at any other point before we get married?" Touche.

So, we went looking at dresses. The night before I went, I had printed a few styles I liked off the David's Bridal website to make looking easier. They were all halter dresses, all ivory, very modern and sleek. That night, I showed The Guy the pictures.

Yes, I broke that unspoken bridal rule and showed my fiance pictures of models in potential dresses. I get the tradition, but frankly, the person who's opinion I wanted the most was The Guy's. He knows what looks good on me, he knows my taste, I trust his opinion.

He pointed out a few of the dresses that I had secretly preferred that he thought would be great on me or looked like me and we called it a day.

The following day, we're at David's Bridal and I'm trying on wedding dresses. I try on all those modern sleek ivory halter dresses and while they were pretty, I wasn't totally awestruck over any one in particular. The last dress on the rack was one my sister had pulled out for me to try on. It was white, strapless, covered in lace. "Just humor me," she said.

I slipped into the dress and came out of the dressing room. Everyone gasped. Nicole started crying. That was the dress.

My beautiful opposite-of-what-I-wanted dress. I wish I could live in this bad boy. Especially if I had that teeny tiny waist.

A few weeks later, The Guy and I were going over wedding stuff and I asked him if he would feel comfortable at looking at a picture of the dress I picked out. Again, breaking tradition, I know, but frankly, I wanted his opinion. He looked at the above picture, laughed, said it was completely opposite of what he had expected but that he knew I'd look absolutely beautiful. Commence melting into puddleness.

At the time, I justified him looking at the picture as such - it was a picture of a dress. It was on another girl. A girl that does not look like me. I was fine with that. He, however, would not see my actual dress, or me in it, until the actual wedding day. That, I wanted kept a surprise.

Fast forward five months. We've just gotten in to my parents house in Northeast Ohio for a long weekend visiting family. My mom had mentioned a stack of photos she wanted me to look through on the table in the hallway. She said there were pictures of my brother and his girlfriend, my brother's new apartment, recent photos of my cousins, etc. I went into the living room to show her some things I had put together for my sister's bridal shower, and The Guy stayed in the bedroom to get settled.
A few minutes later, I go back to the bedroom, and he is sitting on the sofa bed with the stack of photos sitting next to him.

"I have something I need to tell you," he says.

Ruh row.

As it turned out, at the bottom of the stack of photographs, were pictures my mother had taken that day in the bridal store. Of me. Of me in my dress.

::thud goes my heart::

He said that he had seen the first picture, but once he realized what it was, he immediately covered it up and stopped looking at the photos. He felt horrible, but he insisted he didn't see much. My mom comes in and wants to know why I look like I'm about to cry. I tell her and she gets all flustered - she had no idea the photos were in there either.

So there is where I find myself questioning whether or not I'm being a bit bridezilla-y...
I'm not angry that he saw me in my dress. How could I be? I honestly had no idea the pictures were in there, and the minute he realized what he was looking at, he stopped looking. The poor guy felt so guilty that he had to tell me. (part of me wishes he hadn't (that whole "ignorance is bliss" thing), but that's besides the point) I honestly can't get mad at my mother either - she honestly had no idea/had forgotten that those pictures were in there, and felt bad about it afterwards. It's not like she did it on purpose.

To be honest...I'm feeling a bit disappointed. Silly, I know, considering he had actually seen a picture of the dress (and if he really wanted to see what it looked like, could have marched upstairs to the guest room and peeked in the garment bag at any point in the last three months). But he hadn't seen me in it. And I'd wanted to keep it that way. The man is impossible to keep a secret from, and that was going to be the one big surprise I could pull over on him that day.

Yes, I'm well aware he didn't actually see me in the dress. He saw me in a dress that was two sizes too big for me, without a veil, without my hair and makeup done and jewelry and the whole nine yard, beaming like a mad woman. Also missing in the photo is the gunshow I plan to sculpt out of my arms for said occasion. So, he still hasn't seen the whole picture. Damn close, but not the whole thing.
I'll be completely honest with you - as time has gone on and things have progressed, I've found that I could care less about having a wedding. I could care less about the fancy dinner and the cake and all the traditional crap that comes along with the thing. I would be completely and totally satisfied with me and him on a beach with a couple of fam and friends. I'm doing the whole wedding thing to make my family happy and have an opportunity to have the people I love in the same room at the same time for once. So, naturally, what my flowers look like or what filling we have in our cake aren't incredibly high on my list of things that I am looking forward to. Sure, I have ideas and preferences and am doing the whole planning thing like your average bride, but if something goes wrong or doesn't work out the way I originally planned, I'm not going to wig.

The one notable thing that I was honestly truly looking forward to (besides the entire "you're now man and wife" moment) was seeing his face the first time he saw me on our wedding day. That look that's meant for me and me alone. Everytime we get in a fight and I want to throw our new skillet at his head, I want to remember that look. That look, and those few quiet moments, just the two of us, before all the wedding mayhem begins, is the only thing I truly want out of the entire day. It just feels like a tiny bit of that excitement's been taken away.

I know, I'm probably being a bit overdramatic and a bit bridezilla-ey, but I just can't help it. I'm bummed. :(

So ladies, open question to you - am I being a bridezilla, or having a reasonable reaction? How would you feel/react if you were in this situation? What moment from your wedding do you cherish the most, or want the most (if you're not married yet)?

Images courtesy of WeddingByColor (via Google Image) and David's Bridal.